My people are Cat’lick. Like lots of other families, we’ll make the trek in the car to be together on the holiday in observance.
The holiday is one of those signposts marking the passing of the year. We (my family) come together on a regular basis for Christmas, Easter, Fourth of July, a bunch of birthdays around Columbus day (my birthday is around the same time but, it‘s never been included) and Thanksgiving.
Our trek will take us across the river, over the Tappan Zee to what I still think of as my Uncle‘s house.
They’ll be a lot of good natured teasing, catching up with one and other (since the last holiday), a big meal and maybe the often occurring card game among the male relatives.
The meal will be a sumptuous repast with antipasto (cold cuts, pickled veggies and bread), a pasta course, a main course (ham probably since it’s Easter), lots of side dishes and finishing, a pretty sizable selection of desserts accompanied by coffee. I’m always a little apprehensive in advance of these gatherings but, each passing year I find myself coming away increasingly glad I went. I like my family - it helps that they’re nice people.
I should probably note that family as I refer to it is (was) my father’s older brother, his wife, their children, their children”s spouses, their grandchildren, their grandchildren”s spouses and now even their great-grandchildren (new baby in the family). My own grandparents (father’s parents) used to have these kinds of functions when they were alive and my Uncle and Aunt took up the banner after the grandparents passed. One of the things striking about these gatherings is it doesn’t seem long ago I was at “the small table,” the table reserved for the kids. My immediate family was very disjointed - my father married a few times, my mom’s family missing in action so, my Uncle Gerry and Aunt Ena provided something which figured very large in my life in that they gave me a place to be on the holidays - they gave me a place where I belonged.
The last few get togethers we’ve had haven’t been at Ena and Gerry’s. Gerry (my uncle) passed a few years ago. The change of venue has been strange - not being in the house of all those shared memories made things very different. Something was missing. As I thought about Easter, I thought about being back at the house again and I kept coming back to what would be missing... and what was missing would be Gerry.
So, on Easter morning I sit and write about the holiday, I think about my Uncle Gerry (who has been gone almost three years now) and how much I still miss him. Gerry was a very special man who had the unique quality of making the people around him feel special too. He was funny, he was loud and every time I would enter his house he would greet me with his booming voice, “Hello! Don Philippo!” There was never a doubt about that special quality he had when you were in his presence. I regret I never got to quite know Gerry as a man, as a person and consequently he looms larger than life in my memories. Gerry was the glue for our family and he touched all of our lives.
The last few years of his life, Gerry suffered from emphysema (a result of the twin evils of a smoking addiction and perc - a chemical he was exposed to regularly as a dry cleaner). He struggled on a daily basis to get a breath. Gerry hid the extent of his illness from some of us by staying ensconced upstairs during get togethers and then, appearing freshly scrubbed and looking quite well. It wasn’t until shortly before he passed, on a cold November day I went to help out and rake leaves for Ena and Gerry. It was then, I saw how ill Gerry had become. He was in his room with an oxygen tank and mask, wrapped up to keep warm, recovering from a cataract surgery Gerry had recently had - as frail as he may have been, Gerry never looked bigger in my eyes.
I visited Gerry in the hospital (in what would turn out to be his final days) and can’t forget how Gerry gave Ena a hard time about something in front of me. As Ena turned her back, Gerry gave me a conspiratorial wink letting me know he was just running Ena through her paces in the way people who have been together a long time do with one and other - Gerry wasn’t upset at all just playing the role she wanted him to play.
Anyway, since it’s Easter, I think about the legacy of my Uncle Gerry. Each of us in the family carries him in our hearts and we are still a family together even after Gerry is gone, a testament to him and how Gerry made each of us feel special. We all still miss him (I know I do, terribly so) and he will be in my thoughts today. Fortunately, we all still have each other and maybe that’s what holidays are supposed to be about anyway.
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